How to lower your bills Tips from the FBIs top hostage negotiator

How to lower yur bills Tips from the FBIs top hostage negotiatorHow to lower your bills Tips from the FBIs top hostage negotiatorEver feel like the cable company or your phone service dienst is charging too much? Ever feel helpless to do much about it? Youre elend crazy.When you call themthe customer service rep is reading from a script.I know somebody who has worked on producing those scripts - hes a Harvard trained negotiator. An expert. He makes sure the phrasing triggersreciprocityand subtly includes a number of other techniques to benefit them - and not you.So when you talk to the part reading that script youre basically going up against a top tier negotiator. Totallynot a fair fight. And that bugs me. A lot.If they have experts helping them, we should have experts helping us. So I called a friend who is an expert.Chris Vosswelches the FBIs lead international hostage negotiator. Hes taught negotiation at Harvard, Georgetown, and USC. Hes also CEO of theBlack Swan Group.Chris i s going to show us a number of methodshes used forabspracheing with hostage takers, terrorists and other people almost as scary as Comcast.Chris and I specifically discussed how you can lower your cable bill but these concepts will work for most any service provider youre dealing with.Heres what youll learnHow to find out what to ask for.The most effectiveway to speak.Jedi Mind Trick phrases that get them to pay attention and get them off script.How to make them like you.The technique that makes them binnensee your point of view without making demands.Lets get to it1) Do A Little HomeworkNot a ton. But negotiation studies show thatgood results are correlated with time spent preparing.Check what specials and discounts your cable company is offering new customers.Heres ChrisLook at what theyre offering new customers. By and large their rates for new customers are going to be slightly below market rates. Thats why they think itsgoing to attract people.You can also take a look at what t heir competitors are offering but they will have done that research for you. Thats why theyre offering the price theyre offering because theyre getting it from the marketplace.(For more on the fundamental principles of hostage negotiation, clickhere.)Okay, you know what youre looking to get out of this. But before we think about what to say, its important to think abouthowyou say it.2) Use The Late Night FM DJ VoiceNo, you dont have to do a Barry White imitation.The point is to make sure your voice is projecting calm and warmth.Chris couldnt be jumpy or angry when talking with hostage takers and you probably wont get far like that dealing with battle-hardened customer service people either. Theyre used to dealing with crazy people they have a script for it.Calm is largely a matter of slowing your speech down. Warmth comes fromsmiling while you speak.Heres ChrisCustomer service people are so used to being attacked that this has to be the first step. Itll either prevent them fromputti ng their guard up or make them less leery in dropping their guard. Its just a matter of slowing down a little bit and pacing. I think one of the things that has the tendency to make a difference in how it sounds is actually whether or not youre smiling when youspeak.(To hearan FBI behavioral experts secrets on how to get people to like you, clickhere.)Time to departure talking. What you say first is very important. Its one of hisfavorite Jedi Mind Tricks.3)abflug With Im SorryAre you wondering why you should start with Im sorry? Well, so will they. Heres ChrisWhen the first thing you say to someone is Im sorry, they think,What in the world is going on with this person thats causing them to say Im sorry? Ive got to take a look at this guy or gal. In a very non-threatening way, you have forced them to take a look at you to figure out whats going on.So youve got their attention, theyre curious and surprised. What other effect does it have? It also makes themfeel good.Heres ChrisIts ama zingly disarming. They know that they havent spoken to you at all so theyre amazed that youre showing them that much respect to start off with. Theres great power in deference.A lot of people want to dominate a conversation, control a conversation and they forget about how much it causes your counterpart to raise their guard. When youre very deferential, the other side has a tendency to drop their guard and they feel powerful because youve empowered them.What they dont understand is that youre the source of that power and if you can empower them you can also take it away. So it puts you in a tremendous position of advantage. Youve already initiated the negotiation and the other side has no idea that youre already working on them to get them to drop their guard.(For more on how to deal with the most difficult conversations, clickhere.)Whats the next Jedi Mind Trick Chris recommends?4) ThisMaySound HarshAnticipating what Im going to say next? Of course you are.And whatever I say, fran kly, isnt going to be as scary as whatever you just imagined.So thats why Chris recommends you use the phrase, This is going to sound harsh It holds peoples attention and whatever comes afterward is a relief.Heres ChrisWhatever we think of that horrifies us seemshuge and having braced ourselves for something terrible and horrifying whatever comes next is always less than what we expected.Wefeelrelieved and it seems easy in comparison.(For tipsfrom Harvard Law Schools Project on Negotiation, clickhere.)So you said you were sorry, and warned them that the next thing was going to sound harsh. You have their attention and theyre wondering what is going to come next So what comes next?5)Turn A Complaint Call Into An Appreciation CallDeveloping empathy with the other side is a huge part of theFBI Behavioral Change Stairway. And with customer service people, its not easy.Theyve probably fielded 100 other calls like this with people meaner, smoother, cooler,whatever-it-isthan you are. And t heyre probably tuned out. Theyre jaded and theyre just reading what the script tells them to say.Their shields are up. How do we bring them down? Its calledforced empathy.Heres ChrisForced empathy is an incredibly strategic way to makethem see your point of view without them knowing that its being forced on them. In arecent post on your blog,Daniel Pinkwas talking about how important autonomy is to peoples motivation.The minute you start trying to force something on someone youre taking away their autonomy and theyre getting their guard up.You need to avoid the predictable. Leading with Im sorry is actually a method of forced empathy as well.Chris knows about this firsthand from dealing with terrorists (no, not the variety that works at Comcast). When they hear predictable phrases from FBI negotiators it wasvery very bad.Heres ChrisThe minute we fall into predictable dialogue, the terrorists are looking at each other and saying Yeah, our leaders told us you were going to say that. A nd that makes them believe in the direction they were already going in even more.So how do you use forced empathy and resist being predictable?Turn a complaint call into an appreciation call.Heres ChrisThe brde thing they expect you to do isappreciate what their company has done for you. Because customer service, by definition, is there to field complaints. They dont field appreciation calls. Sostart off by saying, Your company provides phenomenal service. Im getting a great bargain and Im a little embarrassed that Im calling in and asking for a better deal because what your company is providing is worth every single dime that youre charging me.(For my interview with Robert Cialdini, the most noted persuasion expert in the world, clickhere.)Theyre paying attention and they like you - so now its time toassert.6) A Focused Comparison With An Open-Ended QuestionYou dont want to demand anything. Thats another autonomy struggle. But if you make a solid comparison thenthe conclusion in y our head will appear intheirhead - and then theyre much more likely to accept it. Heres ChrisYou lay out the empathy and then you lay out the reality and then you hit them with a how question. Thats a forced focus comparison. Heres x and y - how do these two things lineup?Again, thats why you need to say it with the late night FBI DJ voice. Its got to be very gentle. Its got to be very deferential so they dont feel backed into a corner.Sohow do you construct a focused comparison? For the cable company scenario lets compare the two relevant billing schemesloyal customers who pay their bills on time every month have to payhigher prices than strangers off the street.Does that sound fairto you? BOOM. Theres your point of attack.But we dont want to be tooconfrontational. Youwant them on your side.Chris explains how one of his students wordedit perfectlyHe called in and he went on and on and on about how good the service was and then he said, Ive been a loyal customer and Ive always pai d my bill on time and then I find out that with the great value that Im getting and the tremendous amount of loyalty that Ive been providing that you guys are offering better deals to people who have never paid you a dime and never been a loyal customer. He said, How am I supposed to live with that?The next thing he heard was the sound of crickets.Because the person on the other end of the line had no answer, it was just dead silence.And that silence is key.Effective pausesare a key tool of FBI hostage negotiation.Heres ChrisAny great open ended question has got to be followed with silence. You have to let the other person respond.If you dont, you may completely bail them out and take them off the hook. Again, thats a very deferential approach. Its not forcing them to answer directly but it is indirectly because you were the last person to speak.And, yes, his student got amuchbetter deal on his cable package.(To read more tips from Chris clickhere.)Okay, lets review and learnmy favo rite insight of all.Enough Reading. Time For Doing.Heres the script from ChrisDo a little homework.Find out what theyre offering new customers.Late night FM DJ voice.Speak in calm, measured tones and smile as you talk.Start with Im sorry.It grabs their attention and empowers them.This is going to sound harshIt sets them up for something big and makes whatever you say a relief.Turn a complaint call into an appreciation call.This is forced empathy. Theyll want to help you.A focused comparison with an open-ended question.And its probably going to bring your bill down a lot.This isnt yelling and shouting. Its not hardball with numbers flying back and forth. None of that works for saving hostages and it doesnt work all that well for cable and phone companies either.The more effective system is a lot more subtle. As Chris is hintergrund of sayingThe most dangerous negotiation is the one you dont know youre in.Join more than 315,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related po sts6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You WantHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.How to lower your bills Tips from the FBIs top hostage negotiatorEver feel like the cable company or your phone service provider is charging too much? Ever feel helpless to do much about it? Youre not crazy.When you call themthe customer service rep is reading from a script.I know somebody who has worked on producing those scripts - hes a Harvard trained negotiator. An expert. He makes sure the phrasing triggersreciprocityand subtly includes a number of other techniques to benefit them - and not you.So when you talk to the person reading that script youre basically going up against a top tier negotiator. Totallynot a fair fight. And that bugs me. A lot.If they have experts helping them, we should have experts helping us. So I called a friend who is an expert.Chris Vosswas the FBIs lead international hostage negotiator. Hes taught negotiation at Harvard, Georgetown, and USC. Hes also CEO of theBlack Swan Group.Chris is going to show us a number of methodshes used fordealing with hostage takers, terrorists and other people almost as scary as Comcast.Chris and I specifically discussed how you can lower your cable bill but these concepts will work for most any service provider youre dealing with.Heres what youll learnHow to find out what to ask for.The most effectiveway to speak.Jedi Mind Trick phrases that get them to pay attention and get them off script.How to make them like you.The technique that makes them see your point of view without making demands.Lets get to it1) Do A Little HomeworkNot a ton. But negotiation studies show thatgood results are correlated with time spent preparing.Check what specials and discounts your cable company is offering new customers.Heres ChrisLook at what theyre offering new customers. By and large their rates for new customers are going to be slightly below market rates. Thats why they think itsgoing to attract people.You can also take a look at what their competitors are offering but they will have done that research for you. Thats why theyre offering the price theyre offering because theyre getting it from the marketplace.(For more on the fundamental principles of hostage negotiation, clickhere.)Okay, you know what youre looking to get out of this. But before we think about what to say, its important to think abouthowyou say it.2) Use The Late Night FM DJ VoiceNo, you dont have to do a Barry White imitation.The point is to make sure your voice is projecting calm and warmth.Chris couldnt be jumpy or angry when talking with hostage takers and you probably wont get far like that dealing with battle-hardened customer service people either. Theyre used to dealing with crazy people they have a script for it.Calm is largely a matter of slowing your speech down. Warmth co mes fromsmiling while you speak.Heres ChrisCustomer service people are so used to being attacked that this has to be the first step. Itll either prevent them fromputting their guard up or make them less leery in dropping their guard. Its just a matter of slowing down a little bit and pacing. I think one of the things that has the tendency to make a difference in how it sounds is actually whether or not youre smiling when youspeak.(To hearan FBI behavioral experts secrets on how to get people to like you, clickhere.)Time to start talking. What you say first is very important. Its one of hisfavorite Jedi Mind Tricks.3)Start With Im SorryAre you wondering why you should start with Im sorry? Well, so will they. Heres ChrisWhen the first thing you say to someone is Im sorry, they think,What in the world is going on with this person thats causing them to say Im sorry? Ive got to take a look at this guy or gal. In a very non-threatening way, you have forced them to take a look at you to fi gure out whats going on.So youve got their attention, theyre curious and surprised. What other effect does it have? It also makes themfeel good.Heres ChrisIts amazingly disarming. They know that they havent spoken to you at all so theyre amazed that youre showing them that much respect to start off with. Theres great power in deference.A lot of people want to dominate a conversation, control a conversation and they forget about how much it causes your counterpart to raise their guard. When youre very deferential, the other side has a tendency to drop their guard and they feel powerful because youve empowered them.What they dont understand is that youre the source of that power and if you can empower them you can also take it away. So it puts you in a tremendous position of advantage. Youve already initiated the negotiation and the other side has no idea that youre already working on them to get them to drop their guard.(For more on how to deal with the most difficult conversations, clickhere.)Whats the next Jedi Mind Trick Chris recommends?4) ThisMaySound HarshAnticipating what Im going to say next? Of course you are.And whatever I say, frankly, isnt going to be as scary as whatever you just imagined.So thats why Chris recommends you use the phrase, This is going to sound harsh It holds peoples attention and whatever comes afterward is a relief.Heres ChrisWhatever we think of that horrifies us seemshuge and having braced ourselves for something terrible and horrifying whatever comes next is always less than what we expected.Wefeelrelieved and it seems easy in comparison.(For tipsfrom Harvard Law Schools Project on Negotiation, clickhere.)So you said you were sorry, and warned them that the next thing was going to sound harsh. You have their attention and theyre wondering what is going to come next So what comes next?5)Turn A Complaint Call Into An Appreciation CallDeveloping empathy with the other side is a huge part of theFBI Behavioral Change Stairway. And w ith customer service people, its not easy.Theyve probably fielded 100 other calls like this with people meaner, smoother, cooler,whatever-it-isthan you are. And theyre probably tuned out. Theyre jaded and theyre just reading what the script tells them to say.Their shields are up. How do we bring them down? Its calledforced empathy.Heres ChrisForced empathy is an incredibly strategic way to makethem see your point of view without them knowing that its being forced on them. In arecent post on your blog,Daniel Pinkwas talking about how important autonomy is to peoples motivation.The minute you start trying to force something on someone youre taking away their autonomy and theyre getting their guard up.You need to avoid the predictable. Leading with Im sorry is actually a method of forced empathy as well.Chris knows about this firsthand from dealing with terrorists (no, not the variety that works at Comcast). When they hear predictable phrases from FBI negotiators it wasvery very bad.He res ChrisThe minute we fall into predictable dialogue, the terrorists are looking at each other and saying Yeah, our leaders told us you were going to say that. And that makes them believe in the direction they were already going in even more.So how do you use forced empathy and resist being predictable?Turn a complaint call into an appreciation call.Heres ChrisThe last thing they expect you to do isappreciate what their company has done for you. Because customer service, by definition, is there to field complaints. They dont field appreciation calls. Sostart off by saying, Your company provides phenomenal service. Im getting a great bargain and Im a little embarrassed that Im calling in and asking for a better deal because what your company is providing is worth every single dime that youre charging me.(For my interview with Robert Cialdini, the most noted persuasion expert in the world, clickhere.)Theyre paying attention and they like you - so now its time toassert.6) A Focused C omparison With An Open-Ended QuestionYou dont want to demand anything. Thats another autonomy struggle. But if you make a solid comparison thenthe conclusion in your head will appear intheirhead - and then theyre much more likely to accept it. Heres ChrisYou lay out the empathy and then you lay out the reality and then you hit them with a how question. Thats a forced focus comparison. Heres x and y - how do these two things lineup?Again, thats why you need to say it with the late night FBI DJ voice. Its got to be very gentle. Its got to be very deferential so they dont feel backed into a corner.Sohow do you construct a focused comparison? For the cable company scenario lets compare the two relevant billing schemesloyal customers who pay their bills on time every month have to payhigher prices than strangers off the street.Does that sound fairto you? BOOM. Theres your point of attack.But we dont want to be tooconfrontational. Youwant them on your side.Chris explains how one of his students wordedit perfectlyHe called in and he went on and on and on about how good the service was and then he said, Ive been a loyal customer and Ive always paid my bill on time and then I find out that with the great value that Im getting and the tremendous amount of loyalty that Ive been providing that you guys are offering better deals to people who have never paid you a dime and never been a loyal customer. He said, How am I supposed to live with that?The next thing he heard was the sound of crickets.Because the person on the other end of the line had no answer, it was just dead silence.And that silence is key.Effective pausesare a key tool of FBI hostage negotiation.Heres ChrisAny great open ended question has got to be followed with silence. You have to let the other person respond.If you dont, you may completely bail them out and take them off the hook. Again, thats a very deferential approach. Its not forcing them to answer directly but it is indirectly because you were th e last person to speak.And, yes, his student got amuchbetter deal on his cable package.(To read more tips from Chris clickhere.)Okay, lets review and learnmy favorite insight of all.Enough Reading. Time For Doing.Heres the script from ChrisDo a little homework.Find out what theyre offering new customers.Late night FM DJ voice.Speak in calm, measured tones and smile as you talk.Start with Im sorry.It grabs their attention and empowers them.This is going to sound harshIt sets them up for something big and makes whatever you say a relief.Turn a complaint call into an appreciation call.This is forced empathy. Theyll want to help you.A focused comparison with an open-ended question.And its probably going to bring your bill down a lot.This isnt yelling and shouting. Its not hardball with numbers flying back and forth. None of that works for saving hostages and it doesnt work all that well for cable and phone companies either.The more effective system is a lot more subtle. As Chris is fond of sayingThe most dangerous negotiation is the one you dont know youre in.Join more than 315,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related posts6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You WantHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertHow To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done 5 Expert TipsThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.